Consignment
by lurv2boogie
Summary: [Response to wizardtales challenge... ONESHOT] The Marauders bewitch every sprig of mistletoe in the castle to dog your footsteps until you do something about it. But what happens when a charm of this magnitude starts going haywire? Much mayhem.


**Disclaimer: I don't own HP. Also, I used a couple of _Buffy the Vampire Slayer_ lines. Guess what? They're not mine either - unless my name is Joss Whedon. Which it isn't. So therefore, not mine. **

* * *

There were whispers everywhere. They echoed, bouncing off the walls and getting lost in crevices and corners of the room. 

"Come on, hurry up!"

The deep voice of urgency egged them on, goading the four to work faster towards their ultimate goal – the magic they were working with was tricky and took time. Unfortunately, time was a luxury that the group couldn't afford to waste.

"Al_right_, Moony, we're going as fast as we can!" James Potter, known to his friends as Prongs, said with hostility. Remus Lupin – Moony – looked vaguely insulted.

"I happen to be the brains of the operation, Prongs. If I say we need to go faster-"

"We should be going slower?" Remus spun around to glare at James Potter who sat behind him. James grinned back maniacally.

"Stop that James! We do need to get a move on!" Came the anxious voice of a small teenage boy, Peter Pettigrew, who was crouched near the door.

"Otherwise Wormtail'll wet himself." Sirius Black, the fourth member of the group, quipped obnoxiously. Remus took yet another break from his work to stare pointedly at Sirius, who, like James, only grinned in reply.

"So, I get the part about the prank. Which, I might add, is a truly ingenious idea of Moony's," Sirius said, causing Remus' cheeks to develop a slightly pink tinge as he worked. "But why, may I ask, are we in a broom cupboard?"

Remus sighed. "Because we need a small, quiet space to do the charm. This was the only place I could think of." Moony replied.

"Couldn't we have found a small, quiet space that happened to be, you know, in a place where we _aren't_ sitting in each other's laps? I mean, I'm your friend Moony, but I'm not your _friend_, if you know what I mean." James asked. Sirius snorted outrageously.

"Well, that would have been _easy_. Wouldn't want that."

"Oh, shut up." Remus snapped. The four worked in silence on the charm for a few minutes more.

"Are we there yet?" Sirius whined, tugging on the right sleeve of James' robes.

"Shut up. You sound like a Muggle child." James said. Sirius stared at him, giving him a contrived look of sorrow.

"How do you know that's not exactly what I am?"

"Padfoot, Padfoot, Padfoot," James replied with a bored sigh. "Number one, you happen to be a wizard. Number two… well, actually, you do largely resemble a child, intellectually at least. Nevertheless, you are, _technically_, not one."

"When you two morons have stopped bickering, you might find that we're done here." Remus said loudly. Suddenly, the atmosphere of the broom cupboard changed. James and Sirius whooped in exaltation, and Peter jumped up excitedly, hitting his head on the shelf about a foot above him.

"Oh, Holy Merlin. I think I'm concussed." He said. The other three just rolled their eyes and ignored Peter's melodramatic antics, focusing on the foliage in Moony's hand.

"So, you bewitched _this_ particular sprig of mistletoe - how do you get all the others in the castle to copy it?" Sirius asked. James nodded in Remus' direction; he had been wondering about _that_ minor detail too.

"This has been charmed to follow – and jab – the first person it sees until they kiss someone – anyone. The idea is to get everyone so frustrated that they'll start kissing the _ghosts_ to get the mistletoe to stop following them! I'll put a Protean Charm on Flitwick's 'hidden' stash of mistletoe, as well as this one, and whatever we've done to this sprig, the rest will mimic." James and Sirius grinned at each other.

"Can you imagine it? By the end of the day, everyone'll get so annoyed that they'll be snogging their owls." Sirius exclaimed enthusiastically, James nodding along with him emphatically.

"So, Moony, how long until Operation Kissing Frogs gets underway?" Peter asked. Remus paused thoughtfully for a moment before opening his mouth. Unfortunately, he was interrupted mid-answer by the four of them tumbling rather unceremoniously out of the cupboard. They all stood quickly, checking that no one had been around to see their undignified stumble, and preparing to blurt an explanation in order to save face. The four boys, satisfied that they were alone, began dusting themselves free of cobwebs that had covered their robes during their trip to the cupboard. Moony ignored the unseemly interruption, and continued with what he had been saying. Or rather, what he had been about to say.

"Tomorrow morning. Then, we just wait for the games to begin," Moony grinned, and chuckled, uncharacteristically sadistic, before straightening his face out again. "It'll be quite dangerous."

"Oh, Moony, you got our hopes all… _up_ and everything, letting us think that some of our good humour might have finally rubbed off on you. And besides, a Marauder laughs in the face of danger."

"Though strangely we cry like little girls in the face of stand-up comedians." Moony retorted. James shrugged resignedly.

"Meh. Touché."

---

Sirius Black was having a _brilliant_ dream. He was surrounded by hundreds upon hundreds of rather pretty girls, dressed in skimpy lingerie – all handing him cones of pink, fluffy candyfloss.

"Yes, Lauren, I _do_ have a candyfloss fetish. How did you know?" Sirius said to a particularly long-legged, tall girl with strawberry blonde hair. He heard distant laughter, and took it as an opportunity to flex his muscles a bit. The laughing got louder.

"Oh, Sirius, you _man_ you. How on earth is it possible that you don't have a girlfriend?" Sirius nodded wisely, choosing to ignore the fact that the blonde girl speaking to him had a very high-pitched voice.

"I know, Hannah, I'm a stud. I can't help it." The laughing got louder, and Sirius began to feel uncomfortable – even in his dreams he was insecure.

"Look, Sirius, it's mistletoe," another girl said to him. "_Mistle-toe_." She said in a singsong voice. Strangely, the voices were getting deeper and deeper. Sirius grinned, spinning around. The girls continued yelling the word "mistletoe" at him in strangely familiar voices. Suddenly he recognised a face in the crowd.

"Prongs? What are you doing in my dream?" Sirius asked, confused. The girls had all disappeared.

"Oh, wake up you nit!"

Suddenly Sirius had opened his eyes – though he wished he hadn't. He found himself staring into the eyes of James Potter… plus two other pairs of eyes. Sirius sat up quickly, cursing Remus, James and Peter for sneaking up on him like that and "affecting his beauty sleep". Meanwhile, James and Peter were mocking Sirius mercilessly.

"Oh, Sirius, you man you!" James exclaimed in a ridiculously high-pitched voice.

"I know - I'm a stud, I can't help it." Peter replied, placing his voice in the deepest pitch it would go. Admittedly, this was not very low at all.

"Look, mistletoe!"

"Mistletoe?"

"Mistletoe!"

"SHUT UP!" Sirius shouted. James and Peter froze in their positions, swivelling round to look at Sirius. "Is there any particular reason why you're torturing a poor fellow so? And at such a sodding ungodly hour?"

"Actually, yes," Moony answered, his eyes glinting with menace and hilarity. "Stage three is complete. I snuck into the Charm's room about an hour ago."

Sirius leapt up from bed, all indignity forgotten. He wrung his hands together, smirking.

"Excellent."

---

The Marauders made their way towards the Great Hall with an unsettled feeling in their stomachs. Though part of this was contributed to hunger, they were all struggling with their own anxieties about this latest prank. But they needn't have worried. As soon as they reached the entrance to the Great Hall, they heard a high-pitched scream that undoubtedly belonged to a girl, followed shortly by a loud _smack_. The four boys entered the Hall tentatively, their eyes immediately focusing on three fellow sixth years, standing at the front of the hall. Dorcas Meadowes stamped her foot, angrily yelling abuse at a confused looking Frank Longbottom. Alice Hancock, Frank's girlfriend, stared at Frank a moment more before storming off in the direction of the entrance. Remus and Sirius jumped out of the way before she had a chance to knock them over. Frank wasn't far behind.

"Alice, please! It wasn't my fault! _She_ came onto _me_!"

James, Sirius, Remus and Peter sat at their places at the Gryffindor table and took no time in asking what had happened.

"Frank was jus' sittin' next to Alice, down there," Mundungus Fletcher, a seventh year, told them eagerly. "They was getting' on jus' fine, an' suddenly the bugger were snoggin' Dorcas, righ' in front o' his girlfriend!"

Remus, who had been taking a gulp out of his pumpkin juice, tried to suppress a snort of amusement, and consequently spluttered his next statement.

"He… what?"

"Didn't you hear, Moony ol' pal? Our plan was a great success!" Sirius said, lowering his voice in an excited fashion. James and Peter responded by nodding fervently, allowing enormous grins to dominatetheir features. Remus shook his head in a dignified manner and continued buttering his toast.

About fifteen minutes later, things were getting out of hand. The hard sound of slaps were issuing from all across the hall, including the Staff table – Professor McGonagall, Sirius noted, was looking particularly flustered. He cackled in delight.

"Check out McGonagall. Who'd you reckon-" But he stopped short when he noticed the look of horror on Remus' face. "What? Do I have something on my astonishingly handsome face?" Remus ignored Sirius' egotistical dramatics.

"Snape!" Moony said in horror. "Snape's snogging Patricia Abbot!" Sirius' eyes widened, and he spun around in his seat. Sure enough, Severus Snape – a Slythern - was standing at the Hufflepuff table, pressing his lips up against a scared looking Patricia who was desperately trying to pull away. When she finally did, she took one look around the Hall in a horrified, wide-eyed expression before sprinting the length of the Hufflepuff table and across the threshold. All eyes that had followed her out now returned to Snape – he had fainted.

The Marauders chuckled gleefully. Havoc, and an unconscious Snape. There was not much more that they could have asked for.

---

Prongs was, really, feeling a bit depressed. Despite the fun that had erupted in the Great Hall at breakfast, he just wasn't enjoying it like he usually did. And there was one reason – the same reason as always.

Lily Evans. Lily-Sodding-Evans.

His heart skipped a beat as he thought of her now. James thumped his chest – it was a very uncomfortable feeling. He mused over his relationship with her, how it had evolved. This time last year, she had hated him. Frankly, she still did, but at least she had stopped cursing his name.

Hmmm. Six years together. Six years for James to have proved himself, which he hadn't quite managed yet. A year left, just one year to prove that he wasn't actually a complete arse – unfortunately, the odds weren't looking good for Lily to suddenly confess her undying love for him. Ah, well. A fella can dream. James smiled as he thought of Valentines Day of his fifth year. The Marauders had helped him set up the Gryffindor table in such a way that red heart-shaped balloons exploded from them at regular intervals with the words 'I HEART YOU, LILY EVANS'. Later on, he had climbed onto a table and sung "I'm in the Mood For Love". It was the only time that he had ever seen Lily speechless.

Suddenly overcome with an urge to start singing again, James burst into song, startling several first years into fits of nervous giggles. They stared at him as he passed, for which he replied with a rude hand gesture. The midgets really got on his nerves.

He danced while he sang, swinging around the Quidditch posts and jumping around excitedly. As he sang and danced and swung and jumped, he spotted a familiar head of dark brown hair.

"PADFOOT! OI!" James yelled, but Sirius didn't seem to be able to hear him. He was standing with half of his body hidden by a large tree. "PADFOOT!" James tried again, to no avail. "No one ignores James Potter like that!" James said to himself, and with a newfound determination, he walked purposefully towards his best friend, who now appeared to be involved in a heated conversation with a tree.

James approached, ready to jump up behind Sirius and scare the living daylights out of him, but as his best friend came into full view (as well as the tree), James froze.

Sirius had, apparently, not been talking at all. He had been snogging. And he hadn't been snogging a tree. James let out a strangled cry.

"Lily? Sirius?"

The pair broke apart, gasping. Suddenly, Lily slapped Sirius across the face with her left hand. James was horrified to find himself feeling greatly elated at this scene. He suppressed a sadistic grin with difficulty.

"How dare you!" she screamed in horror. Sirius looked stunned, holding the place on his face where Lily had slapped him and staring, horrified, at James like a unicorn caught in headlights. James stepped forward and swung his right fist so that it made painful contact with the other side of Sirius' face. Sirius staggered, and looked up disbelievingly, now clutching both sides of his swelling face.

"Mate… I'm… I don't know what happened!" Sirius said. James clenched his fists tightly.

"You two were snogging! I saw it – don't even try to deny it! You betrayed me, Black!" James yelled. Sirius paused – James _never_ called him by his last name. Ever.

"Prongs, what can I say? I'm sorry… I didn't know what I was doing!" At this, Lily snorted.

"_That_ was obvious." Both James and Sirius glared at her.

"I _meant_ that I didn't do it on purpose!"

"So what? You tripped and accidentally fell on her lips?"

"Yes- wait, no, wait- Oh, Prongs, come back!"

But James had given up. He hadn't thought that _anyone_ would dare to kiss _his_ Lily. Let alone his best friend. He practically sprinted back to the Gryffindor Common Room, storming angrily up the stairs and into his dormitory, where he threw himself on his bed and wrenched his hangings closed. Tears burned in his eyes and he willed them not to fall – there was now way he was going to cry over _this_, even if it _was_ involving the friend he'd considered his brother.

­­­­---

"I think there's something wrong with the charm." Prongs said, looking sternly at Moony as he spoke.

The Marauders had decided to call an emergency meeting following Prongs' disastrous exchange with Lily and Sirius, as well as the fact that Wormtail had somehow managed to get himself three week's worth of detentions after sneaking into the staff room to snog Professor Slughorn.

"Don't just look at me! Padfoot's the one who found the charm at all!" Remus protested with wide eyes. Sirius immediately stood up, waving his hands around angrily.

"Hey, don't start blaming me! It's not my fault if none of us can control our emotions!" Sirius said, staring determinedly at Remus.

"Some more than others, apparently." James muttered bitterly. The other three Marauders avoided his eyesight. "Why does Black have to be here at all?"

"This is a Marauder's meeting, Prongs. _All of us_ need to be here."

"Look, there's obviously something wrong with the charm. We all know that it was just supposed to jab a person until it frustrated them to the point where they'll kiss _anything_… but… well… We just have to work out what went-" But Remus trailed off feebly as a glimmer of realisation crossed his eyes.

"What? What is it?" Peter said pathetically. Remus coughed nervously.

"We… I… may have made the teeniest mix up with the charm." James' eyes narrowed.

"What kind of _mix up_?"

"It had to be spoken in Greek, and I can't really speak it that well so I may have made a little tiny guess at the translation," he said, his voice quivering under James' murderous glare. "There was word I translated to was supposed to be 'various'… but the Greek for 'various' and 'first' are rather easily confused."

"What… what would be the difference? In the effect of the charm?" Sirius asked. Remus hesitated before answering.

"Well, 'various' would have the effect we were hoping for. To just snog whoever you wanted to, to free you of the charm."

"And 'first'?"

"Erm, well… 'first' would mean that- that- well, that you'd kiss the first person you saw after being stung by the mistletoe." At this, strangely, Sirius whooped triumphantly.

"Like, say, you might suddenly have an overpowering desire to snog the girl that is soon to be the girlfriend of your very intelligent and good looking best friend? And you'd be powerless to do _anything_ about it?" Padfoot said with just a hint of pointedness. Remus rolled his eyes but agreed condescendingly.

"Yes, Padfoot."

"And that means that I can prove that I _didn't _betray Prongs!"

"Yes, Padfoot."

"And _that_ means that he can start speaking to me again!"

"Yes, Padfoot."

"And _that_ means that I can go to his house this summer like I did before and we'll share a flat after we graduate and I'll be his best man at his wedding and-"

"Yes, Padfoot."

"Hey, I wasn't finished yet."

"Yes, Padfoot."

Sirius rolled his shoulders and clicked his fingers in a 'Z' shape.

"What-_ever_, biatches. I'm, like, _so_ outta' here!" he said with a lisp. Prongs, Moony and Wormtail all ignored him.

"How do we fix this?" James asked. He was still ignoring Sirius with a stubbornly impertinent expression on his face – clearly he was very angry that Moony had made a mistake.

"It's really simple. I just…" Remus trailed off again, pausing to pick up his wand. "Ahem. _Finité Incantatem_."

"What? That's it?" James asked impatiently.

"Oh, I'm sorry, was that not incorrect enough for you?"

"No, it's just… that was really simple. Easy, like."

Remus glared at James dangerously. Suddenly there was a definite shift in power in the room; the Marauders all felt it and James suddenly gave Remus a sheepish grin.

"What-_ever_, biatches. I'm, like, _so_ outta' here!"

"Yes, Padfoot."

---

Dinner that night was a chaotic affair, prompting the Marauder's to decide on skipping the meal in the Great Hall and nicking off to the kitchens to get some food when the rest of the student body had retired for the night. Remus, Peter and Sirius were sitting in the Common Room, and Sirius felt a guilty squiggle in his stomach as he thought of James, sulking in his room.

"I'll… er… be back in a sec. I left my Exploding Snap set upstairs." Sirius said suddenly. Remus looked as though he was about to say something, but then closed his mouth and nodded wisely. Sirius nodded back, and hesitated for a moment before climbing the stairs to the dormitory and spying James' closed hangings.

"Prongs?" Sirius said quietly. He heard no answer for a long while, almost giving up and going downstairs again before he heard a subtle 'uh-huh'. He sighed and moved closer to the end of the four-poster that James was currently occupying. He opened his mouth to say sorry, but was surprised to find that James beat him to it.

"It's okay, Padfoot."

"Huh?"

"It's okay. You've come to apologise about Lily? It's okay."

"Oh, right." Padfoot said uncertainly. "Erm… why?" He heard a snort coming from within the closed hangings.

"Do you _want_ me to be angry at you, you moron?"

"Well, no, but…" Sirius began, but James stopped him by opening the hangings that surrounded his bed.

"Look, I know that you didn't mean to. I always knew that you wouldn't. It's just…" James paused, trying to find the right words. Sirius peered down cheekily at him.

"You really like this girl, huh." He asked. James sighed.

"Yeah."

"Yeah."

The two friends paused for a moment before Sirius stood suddenly, and walked towards the door. He was about to cross the threshold before he stopped abruptly and looked back at James, who was sitting, tight lipped with his arms crossed tightly across his chest.

"She does too, you know. Like you, I mean." Sirius said. James looked up sharply at him, frowning before relaxing his face and sending Sirius a small smile.

"Are you blind? Have you _not_ seen the looks she gives me?"

"I have, mate. Trust me, she's just covering, I'm confident of that."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Just give it some time. And besides – with _us_ helping you, there's no way she won't fall for you in a couple of months."

"Mm-hmm." James replied dryly. Sirius grinned and left the room, leaving James alone to gather his thoughts.

* * *

A/N: Hey! Gotta do a shout out: Lauren,did you like your little feature?Okay, thanks for reading, hope you liked! Please R & R! 


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